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Linux Business The Almighty Buck Technology

What's the Worst Job Posting You've Seen? 1214

Posted by Cliff from the fun-for-a-Friday dept.
Kickstart70 asks: "Recently myself and a number of friends of mine who work or worked in IT jobs have been remarking on absolutely horrible job postings for low-level IT jobs paying small change. It seems the headhunters and employers are still wanting knowledge in everything, at least one degree but preferably two, and want to keep employees on minimal wages (in the job listing linked, the wage is in Canadian dollars). Is this common everywhere? What's the worst job posting you have seen?"
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What's the Worst Job Posting You've Seen? More

What's the Worst Job Posting You've Seen?

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  • Interesting requirements... (Score:5, Funny)

    by hendridm ( 302246 ) * on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:49PM (#7477964) Homepage

    > WINNT is nice to have.

    Don't do it! The organization is clearly run by crazies.

    My favorite part:

    Software List: Some or all would be preferred.

    I mean, damn, $17-$19 is pretty good for Help Desk, even if it is bilingual, but anyone who is familiar with all of the items on that list should make more than God himself. Of course, the poster of this probably works for Kelly Services anyway.

    • I dunno, $17-$19 CANADIAN???

      • That's like... (Score:5, Funny)

        by siskbc ( 598067 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:59PM (#7478054) Homepage
        I dunno, $17-$19 CANADIAN???

        ...$0.37 American these days, right? You can do better than that making shoes in Thailand.

      • Re:Interesting requirements... (Score:5, Insightful)

        by cbeaudry ( 706335 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:03PM (#7478087)
        You have to take into consideration that 17-19$ canadian, for a level 1 tech support job, is actually a good offer.

        17-19$ Goes a long way in Edmonton (I beleive thats where the job is) compared to lets say Vancouver or Toronto where you'd need at least 25$/hour.

        You guys have to remember, you will have a better living standard with 17$/hour Canadian in Edmonton, than if your doing 30$/hour USD in Sillicon Valley.

    • My Job (Score:5, Funny)

      by Jennifer E. Elaan ( 463827 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:47PM (#7478450) Homepage
      Fine... this isn't a job posting, this is an actual description of my job duties, but I'll make it look like one:

      • Senior SQL Administrator/Programmer (PostgreSQL)
      • Senior Web Applications Developer (PHP). E-Commerce experience an asset.
      • Toolchain/Plugin Developer (C/C++). Develop PostgreSQL plugins and in-house applications.
      • Senior Network Administrator on a heterogeneous FreeBSD/Linux/WindowsXP environment. Must possess strong skills in server application deployment and windows interoperability. Must possess a background in firewall and network design.
      • BCS/BEE and/or 10+ years of proven software design experience.
      • Background in cryptography is an asset.
      • Must be willing to work overtime when necessary at 1x pay.

      Benefits Package: none, contract basis, terminatable at any time without severance package
      Pay: $14 Canadian/hour

      Wait a minute... what am I doing? Is anyone looking for a developer (or hardware engineer for that matter)?

  • My Own (Score:5, Funny)

    by jhouserizer ( 616566 ) * on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:49PM (#7477966) Homepage

    The worst I've seen?

    The job posting to find the person who will replace me.

    • Re:My Own (Score:5, Funny)

      by Nucleon500 ( 628631 ) <tcfelker@example.com> on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:59PM (#7478051) Homepage
      Worse than that?

      Finding out you're unqualified.

    • Re:My Own (Score:5, Funny)

      by gmack ( 197796 ) <gmack@noSpAM.innerfire.net> on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:01PM (#7478071) Homepage Journal
      Yeah.. When I quit my first job in montreal after the place took a direction other than what was on the job description(they wanted to do porn and I didn't) They posted a job asking for my qualifications but expected to about $12 CDN an hour.

      One day I'm overhearing the receptionist talking to a prospective sysadmin calling for my job "well sir.. before we process your resume.. do you have a problem with porn? how about animal porn? ohh well ok then. thanks anyways"

      Glad I left? yep! That place and Ralsky deserved each other.

      • Re:My Own (Score:3, Interesting)

        by dtfinch ( 661405 ) *
        Animal porn is a plague that nearly all sysadmins must face some day. Even working as a programmer, I've enountered it. I had to write a realtime firewall log analyzer to enable our network admins quickly spot suspicious incoming and outgoing traffic with our existing firewall. When I was demonstrating an early working version to my boss someone started browsing a bunch of sick porn sites, mostly animal porn judging by the urls. An investigation began immediately.

  • Who'd take that crappy job? (Score:3, Funny)

    by grub ( 11606 ) <slashdot@grub.net> on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:50PM (#7477971) Homepage Journal

    I count 163 things (well, wc -l counted it) on that list of things they want prospects to know. Obviously that job involves too much work and would interfere with reading /.

    Anyone that applies is obviously beyond geekdom and is to be pitied.

  • Requirements that end up in a checksum failure... (Score:5, Funny)

    by LostCluster ( 625375 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:51PM (#7477972)
    The worst ones I've seen are ones that require you to have gone back in time in order to have enough experience with the software they want you to use:

    "Requirements: 5 years experience with Windows 2000..."

  • Several good sites (Score:3, Informative)

    by t0qer ( 230538 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:51PM (#7477975) Homepage Journal
    Fuck that job
    http://fuckthatjob.com/index.php

    E-mails of the suthibut family (doesn't seem to be updated)
    http://blog.postapocalypse.com/dave/dave suthibut.a sp

  • Lots of them here (Score:5, Informative)

    by EvilStein ( 414640 ) <.ten.pbp. .ta. .maps.> on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:54PM (#7478001)
    at Fuck That Job dot com [fuckthatjob.com] ..but you know, there are so many of these postings that it's really not that funny anymore. It just reaffirms our belief that management really is trying to squeeze everything they can out of the pee-on workers.
    Gotta do something to give that CEO his bonus (studies show that executive compensation has gone up over 17% in the past year. Bah.)

  • CAD$38K ASP Programmer (Score:4, Funny)

    by thegrommit ( 13025 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:56PM (#7478017)
    That's less than US$29K. While one of the job requirements [workopolis.com] may be unique, it would be amusing to see how long a heterosexual male would last working there.

    • Re:CAD$38K ASP Programmer (Score:5, Funny)

      by HungWeiLo ( 250320 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:09PM (#7478130)
      I bet you get used to it. Two summers ago, I did web monkey work for a major university hospital, where I got look at up-close STD patient photos (in ultra high resolution taken with a 5MP camera, no less). After half a week, it wasn't such a big deal anymore. After awhile, if a friend showed up to visit me, I would point to a picture I have on the monitor, and say something like "hey look at those little mushrooms," forgetting about the outside world.

  • Keep in mind (Score:5, Insightful)

    by rob-fu ( 564277 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:58PM (#7478039)
    ...that as much as you hate your lousy IT job, there are 10 other people who would fill it given the chance. On top of that, I'd rather have a job in IT than working in, say, a meat processing plant. I'm grateful to have a job in IT, even if it sucks.

  • Welcome to the 21st century (Score:5, Insightful)

    by winkydink ( 650484 ) * <sv.dude@gmail.com> on Friday November 14, 2003 @07:59PM (#7478052) Homepage Journal
    If you still have an insanely high-paying IT job, give thanks and keep saving. Chances are good that you won't have it much longer between offshore outsourcing and a whole ton of unemployed IT ppl willing to do your job for less $$$.

    Let's face it. IT salaries got way ahead of themselves in during the boom. Now the pendulum swings the other way

    Have you looked at what a teacher makes or any other number of degree-requiring professions? CAD$40k might sound sucky to you, but I'm betting there's a lot of unemployed IT ppl out there right now who'd take it in a snap.

    • Re:Welcome to the 21st century (Score:5, Insightful)

      by bladernr ( 683269 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:26PM (#7478266)
      If you still have an insanely high-paying IT job, give thanks and keep saving. Chances are good that you won't have it much longer between offshore outsourcing and a whole ton of unemployed IT ppl willing to do your job for less $$$.

      As an executive who out-sourced some work to India and also hires plenty of US talent, I can tell you that highly-skilled US programmers who understand the domain they are working in (health care, telecom, finance, etc) will still command top-dollar.

      Just today (yes, today), I had a major schedule slip that could cost the company millions over that cheap labor. In their defense, the requirement that was given to them was incorrect, and they did a superb job of implementing the system. However, a US based programmer with knowledge of the domain (telecom in this case) would have recognized the requirement as incorrect and would have implemented correct code anyway. As an aside, she said the Big-5 consultancies do a horrible job and providing people with domain expertise, in spite of claims to the contrary.

      Just this week I spent time with a fellow executive from a major ILEC. She told me that they are outsourcing Java work to India like there is no tommorow. However, highly-skilled programmers with true knowledge of the business are still paid as high as they ever were (which is my experience in my organization as well).

      If you want my advise, learn the industry you want to work in. Programming skills are cheap, I don't care how good you are. Business knowledge is still a damn rarity. Business knowledge and the ability to implement it in systems is almost impossible to find. That means it is paid well for.

      Oh yeah, most resumes I see from programmers who think they know the business don't know nearly as much as they think. Spend as much time learning the business as your programming skills, and I think you'll be fine.

      • Which is a pity, we need less managers who focus on their "power animal" and whatever that latest management fad is - while giving away half the companies assets to their mates. It doesn't matter how good a programmer you are, there are secretaries that get paid more than you do. They get to stay in five star accomodation during the week, get flown home on weekend, and for a work expense they could claim little frilly ... on second thoughts they can keep their jobs - but shareholders should know that they
    • The one exception to all of this is education...there is really no way (yet) to outsource the people and skills necessary to install and run the computer systems for anything like a school district or a university. There are currently lots of consulting firms financially cornholing school districts from 500 students to 300,000...and plenty of opportunity to undercut them. My advice would be show them a better way...preferably one without licensing costs.

  • Job listing I want to see (Score:5, Insightful)

    by nate nice ( 672391 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:00PM (#7478061) Journal
    Requirements: Creative, smart individual who finds delight in working with others and around others. Candidate should have an understanding of computational theory and application and be able to grasp new ideas quickly. Prospective employee should have skills in a couple programming languages as well as the ability to learn a new language or environment quickly. If you are right for this job you will be able to apply your knowledge, logic and intuition to the problems at hand. You enjoy solving problems and discovering new ways to do things. An engineering degree is preferred but not necessary. If you don't have an engineering degree you will be expected to demonstrate competency in math, logic and computer science theory. You will be paid accordingly to your abilities in the above listed requirements.

    Instead we see:
    Must have 10 years of programming in language A that has been around for 4 years. Most know X,Y,Z. We don't care if you can learn X,Y,Z or understand the theory behind X,Y,Z, you must know it because it is a nice buzz-word right now. Be prepared to unlearn X,Y,Z and learn G,H,J when they become the new buzzwords. We don't want you to think, we want you code!! code!! code!!

    But I digress.

    • 'Knowing' isn't enough... (Score:5, Interesting)

      by DrCode ( 95839 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:50PM (#7478466)
      When I was job-searching last year, it wasn't enough to know a language or API. With all the free tools available, most of us can teach ourselves pretty much anything necessary in a matter of weeks. But most of the abusive job ads had specific requirements for years of paid experience.

      I recall going through one ad, getting excited because I really did have the experience they wanted (Unix, C++, etc.). But then I came to the deal-killer, in all caps: "APPLICANT MUST HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE WORKING FOR A MEDICAL EQUIPMENT SUPPLIER."

    • Re:Job listing I want to see (Score:5, Insightful)

      by wiresquire ( 457486 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:52PM (#7478478) Journal
      Actually, you touch on an important factor (if not the most important) that I always work into hiring. It's what you may call attitude or behavioural traits.

      There's several theories around HR and hiring that are based on behavioural observations. ie that what you have done before, you will do again.(Yes you can change behaviours, but it's hard and takes a while, so you're better of hiring someone that has those behaviours already).

      Basically, you ask questions that relate to the behaviours that you want. Eg, for a sysadmin, I need someone with integrity - that won't go stealing passwords, building backdoors, or downing the system if they happened to get laid off.So you can ask a question like "Everyone breaks the rules sometime. Is there a specific situation where you broke the rule that in retrospect you think you shouldn't have ?"

      In effect, you keep probing for proof of past behaviour. Generalizations are not acceptable. You need specific instances. "Do you have an example of that?", "What specifically was your role?", "Could you be more specific?" etc

      Some of you may have encountered this in interviews. There are some 'interview tip' sites that actually talk about this. It can be quite akward for both the interviewer and interviewee, but I have found it to be quite effective.

      I have a theory that part of the effectiveness is that the interviewee has not been exposed to this before, so I usually ask if they are familiar with it up front and explain it may be unusual and somewhat uncomfortable, but don't worry, everyone else is going through the same hell.
    • Must be able to use word processor X.

      This sort of requirement has settled down to MS Word now, but not long ago technical staff that could work out how to use any word processing package in detail with less than five minutes with a manual (or ten without) were not considered unless they listed a particular word processing package on their resume. I had about twelve listed on mine for such situations, from Chiwriter up. All this is irrelevant, however, when you submit the resume as a PDF file and the empl

  • Mail room (Score:5, Funny)

    by faust2097 ( 137829 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:01PM (#7478070)
    I saw a posting for mail room personnel at CNet that said "must have 2 years previous corporate mail room experience". And it wasn't for managing the thing, it was just a nomal clerk position.

    Would you want to hire someone who was either a) so uncapable that working the mail room is the peak of their abilities or b) so ambition-free that they had multiple years of mailroom experience without advancing?

  • um wtf? (Score:3, Interesting)

    by crabpeople ( 720852 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:04PM (#7478097) Journal
    "worked in IT jobs have been remarking on absolutely horrible job postings for low-level IT jobs paying small change"

    ? except for the rediculous amount of qualifications needed for that poisition, it seems like any other job posting ive seen for helpdesk. also 19 bucks an hour is alot of money to most entry level people i know (including myself). it should be noted that the rent in edmonton for a small apartment is usually around 500 CAN/mth and with this job working 40 hours a week would make like 3k.

    how is 3k a month bad? have you tried looking for work lately? im tryign to find a job doing similar things in vancouver and would be more than happy with 12 or 13 dollars an hour. that would cover rent and internet and all that.

    wtf is the poster on? does he expect everyone to be making 50k+ a year?

  • be grateful for what you have (Score:4, Insightful)

    by egomaniac ( 105476 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:09PM (#7478131) Homepage
    I work at a dot-com company. One you've heard of, trust me. Anyway, we survived the Internet bubble bursting, and most of us kept our jobs, but things were still tough around here for a couple of years.

    After finding out that the raises one year would be much smaller than expected, a coworker of mine complained about it. I looked at him in bafflement, and told him he should be thankful to be getting a raise at all. He should be happy to have a job at all.

    For that matter, I later reflected, he should be happy simply that he makes enough money to have food to eat, to provide for himself and his loved ones, and not to have to go to bed wondering where his next meal will be coming from. All of us that can say that should be thankful for it.

    Yes, the job the submitter pointed to isn't spectacular pay, but it's enough to feed and clothe yourself in comfort. That's more than most people in the world can say. Try to keep a sense of perspective while you're busy complaining about things.

    • Re:be grateful for what you have (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:32PM (#7478331)
      And the corporation you work for should be happy it's just staying afloat, maybe making a small profit every once in a while. Further, the executives of that corporation should be happy drawing a small salary with year-to-year increases commensurate with that of you and your co-worker.

      I mean, come ON. This "well, at least we're making enough to get by!" attitude is being seriously exploited by those with "let's take all we possibly can" attitudes. Yes, it's good to be satisfied with what you have in a philosophical sense, but when you're dealing with the world of capitalism it makes perfect sense to do everything you possibly can (including unionization, etc.) to get as much compensation for your services as humanly possible.

    • Re:be grateful for what you have (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Xzzy ( 111297 ) <sether@@@tru7h...org> on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:34PM (#7478362) Homepage
      I sympathize your idealism, I mean yes many of us are very fortunate, but it's cuddly statements like yours that motivate employers to exploit their workers.

      If they think they can get you to do it without quitting, THEY WILL.

      Just because I'm luckier than most in the world, doesn't mean I have to stand there and let some corporate goon give it to me in the ass.

  • Reminds me of a little game (Score:3, Funny)

    by Jubii ( 315611 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:10PM (#7478142) Homepage
    Looking at that job posting, you could almost play a game of Bullshit Bingo [perkigoth.com] with it...

  • foreign workers (Score:5, Insightful)

    by flacco ( 324089 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:10PM (#7478143)
    if you see any truly unbelievably low pay rates, you can bet they're placing the ad just to fulfill a legal requirement before hiring a foreign worker for peanuts.

  • Comment removed (Score:3)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) * on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:10PM (#7478145)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  • On-Call Outlook/Exchange Admin (Score:5, Interesting)

    by BigRedFish ( 676427 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:12PM (#7478159)

    As soon as I see 'Administer Outlook/Exchange' and 'on-call 24/7', I don't care how much it pays.

    Besides, I don't have 5 years experience with 2K/XP. I don't know if they do that to weed out liars or what, but it's a big red flag to me that the employer is reality-challenged.

  • Worst I've seen (Score:3, Informative)

    by KFury ( 19522 ) * on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:12PM (#7478164) Homepage
    This one's just awful [signalogic.com]

    Mirrored copy:

    Employment

    Notice from the President
    There has recently been a slight increase in customer activity and
    Signalogic now has several projects pending and a few new ones active.
    Because of this we are looking for embedded system engineers. However,
    based on a few recent interviews, I feel the need to explain the
    situation to people who may not have realized yet just how competitive
    the engineering field has become in 2 years, and how many U.S. jobs are
    moving permanently overseas to India, China, Russia, and other
    locations. Many engineering jobs, especially ones with specialized
    requirements and straightforward performance measurement, simply are not
    coming back, regardless of what the various economic experts and pundits
    happen to think.

    Below are some requirements; please read carefully. You need to be 100%
    comfortable with these before even considering to apply at Signalogic.
    Your resume must be accompanied by a cover letter that includes 3 or so
    paragraphs which explain clearly and thoughtfully why you are suitable
    and why you meet the requirements. Otherwise, you will receive no
    response from Signalogic one way or another regarding your resume and
    any other information that you might send to us.

    Skills. You must be able to perform expertly at least TWO (2) of
    the skills listed below:
    * complex logic design, including high-speed signal integrity,
    simulation, skilled at Verilog and VHDL development, including
    multi-programmer approaches to project development, knowledge of Xilinx
    and Altera tools
    * complex (up to 14 layer) board design including advanced
    component identification and specification, schematic capture, guidance
    and specification of layout process, and communication with PCB fab
    * microprocessor and DSP programming, BOTH, including advanced
    algorithms, IDEs such as CCS and CodeWarrior, assembly language
    programming, peripheral drivers, and peripheral and other hardware-level
    debug
    * low-level drivers under WinXP, Linux, or Win9x for boards that
    you design or debug
    * interface library (e.g. DLL or shared object) software
    development

    We are willing to teach you skills listed above other
    than the two or more that you already know.

    Salary level. If you seek year-2000 or prior salary levels, then
    you will be disappointed with our offer. Regardless of how many years of
    experience you have, if you cannot perform ALL of the items listed
    above, then our offer to you will be in the 45 to 65k range, and no
    higher.

    At each of the skill items listed above I am expert, and
    currently I have NO salary. Plus I work 14 hrs per day, and another 16
    hrs on the weekend. Other engineers here also work hard, and they too
    are experts. Imagine other companies with engineers trying to compete
    with that, and then multiply that to about 15 or so companies in our
    market area around the world. That should show you clearly, with no room
    for doubt, that for surviving companies who are managing to grow and
    introduce new products and technology under the current difficult
    economic conditions, competition is stiff!!! You had better be good if
    you want a high salary, and you had better be able to prove it to me and
    other Signalogic staff engineers. Otherwise, don't even think about
    applying at Signalogic, and certainly do not complain about a low
    initial offer. If you prove that you are worth a larger salary, then you
    will be paid a higher salary. That's how it works now, that's how it's
    going to stay, that's it. This is the 21st century, year-2000 thinking
    is dead (it was bogus in the first place). I hope we are clear on that
    subject!

    Debug. You must be extremely good at debug. Any engineer can
    design, only a few are talented enough and sharp enough to debug in a
    reasonable amount of

    • Re:Worst I've seen (Score:3, Insightful)

      by timeOday ( 582209 )
      People like this should do themselves a favor and just let their businesses die. Working long hours for free isn't business, it isn't a job, it's just stupid.

      80 hour weeks for $45K/year is like $22.5K/year for 40 hour weeks - not even that, since the second 40 hours per week are a lot harder than the first 40. Sorry, but people who pride themselves on giving everything in exchange for nothing (and look down on others who won't) are fools. (Not that I wouldn't want such self-sacrificing fools to work for

      • Re:Worst I've seen (Score:3, Interesting)

        by miracle69 ( 34841 )
        80 hour weeks for $45K/year is like $22.5K/year for 40 hour weeks - not even that, since the second 40 hours per week are a lot harder than the first 40. Sorry, but people who pride themselves on giving everything in exchange for nothing (and look down on others who won't) are fools.

        Actually, they're residents.

        This guy has laid out that what the position requires is professionalism and pride in your work. If you want to be a clock-monkey, don't show up. He clearly states that initially you get paid be
    • It's the one that was not there. I've been out of work for more than a year now. Idiots like Jeff there have full reign to abuse his people because there are no other offers. I've never ever seen someone really willing to train people in the job specific skills companies so desperatly need. Well, good luck to the idiots who demand skills they won't pay to develop. They have fucked themselves and we all will pay a terrible price.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by account_deleted ( 4530225 )
      Comment removed based on user account deletion

  • Too Much Experience Requiried? (Score:3, Funny)

    by Emperor Tiberius ( 673354 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:16PM (#7478183) Homepage
    I recall reading one for a Level III Linux system administrator. The pay wasn't too shabby, yet the requirements for employeement were sad. The position requiried you to have fifteen years of experience with Linux, and ten with Microsoft Windows 2000 Advanced Server.

    It was bad enough that they wanted MSCE certification in addition, but wanting fifteen years experience with Linux?! ROFL!

  • More Experience than Possible (Score:5, Funny)

    by Eskarel ( 565631 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:21PM (#7478223)
    Worst I ever saw was sometime last spring looking for 5 years of experience with .NET. The fact that even the eduactional version which had come out a good year or so earlier than the commercial product had not yet been out for two years didn't seem to bother them.

    I'm not even entirely sure whether they had a version of VS .NET which would compile(as in the program not stuff it created) in the spring of 1998. Ahh well, such is lunacy.

  • County of riverside (Score:5, Funny)

    by Monkelectric ( 546685 ) <{slashdot} {at} {monkelectric.com}> on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:26PM (#7478271)
    The country of Riverside, CA government routinely posts jobs to the public which REQUIRE 3-4 years experience on their inhouse software.

    Can I complain about bad interviews to? I submitted a story about bad interviews but its been pending in the que for *6 weeks* (what does that mean?). I had an interview for qualcomm for a 1 month temp position, and the interviewer asked a bunch of jack-ass quesitons, but this one sent me over the edge "where do you see yourself in 5 years?". To this I replied, "Not working at qualcom for 4 years and 11 months!"

  • McDonalds (Score:3, Funny)

    by GreenKiwi ( 221281 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:28PM (#7478293)
    On a big billboard outside of McDonalds:
    Now hiring losers!!!

  • from what i've seen (Score:5, Funny)

    by nudicle ( 652327 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:46PM (#7478446)
    CmdrTaco does the worst job posting...

  • Good luck filling this one... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Tomy ( 34647 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @08:48PM (#7478455)
    Worst I've ever seen was something like:


    Linux Kernel Engineer ...
    Please submit resume in MS Word format.

  • Applicants must have 10 Years Windows 2000 experience or 10 Years Solaris 9 experience.

  • too true to be funny (Score:5, Funny)

    by jgarry ( 126205 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @09:00PM (#7478537) Homepage
    I posted this a while back, and some people thought it was too true to be funny. Others saw the humor.

    How to decode an Oracle DBA Want-Ad [google.com]

  • College job listings were the worst (Score:5, Funny)

    by amuro98 ( 461673 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @09:07PM (#7478574)
    I remember looking for intern/co-op positions through my school's placement center.

    One year, a major computer hardware company came to campus looking ONLY for Ph.D students willing to do 3 month intern positions at minimum wage. Uh.... Turns out their HR department was a bit overzealous.

    Another firm was an IT contracting company. They came to campus looking for new grads with a bachelors in computer science or engineering, and 5 years IT experience... After the representative told the several people that they were wasting his time because they didn't have enough experience, he was escorted off campus and told never to return.

    I also recall a major financial institution wanted to hire CS students with 3 years of programming experience for the summer to - and I'm not making this up - *STAND INSIDE THE WALLS TO MAKE SURE THE NETWORK CABLES DIDN"T COME LOOSE OR BREAK*. The job was located in New York City, paid $5/hr, no assisted living, and you were *required* to live within 10 miles of the office. Oh yes, and you were also required to wear a suit at all times (though I have no idea how you were supposed to keep it clean standing inside crawlspaces all day long...)

    This company, too, was kicked off campus and told never to return.

  • Comment removed (Score:4, Funny)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @09:35PM (#7478728)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  • Bad Job Description (Score:3, Insightful)

    by CastrTroy ( 595695 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @09:48PM (#7478816)
    Everybody here is interpreting the job description all wrong. Kelly Services (the name of the company) is a consultant company that hooks people up with jobs. You apply, they hire you. Then, they whore you off to other companies. The long list of requirements is just so that they can whore you off to the maximum number of their clients. You'll probably only ever have to do 2 things on that list.

    They really should have made this clearer in the description though
    • Eh, I'm not so sure.

      I've seen Kelly's people doing the exact same job for 3 or 4 years.

      Kelly's are fun people to work for, when they fire you they don't have the balls to talk to you at the office, they call you at home and tell you not to come in. They mail you your stuff.

  • One I ran into a few years ago... (Score:3, Funny)

    by MadAnthony02 ( 626886 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @09:51PM (#7478834)

    was a tech support job for the forest service. The duties were typical hardware/software support, and it had the usual list of of skills - Windows, Novell, Office, virus removal, hardware troubleshooting and repair, ect. Until you got to the last one, which was something like "knowledge and experience with tree husbandry"

    Yes, I know it was the forest service, but the duties didn't mention anything tree-related, and one would imagine you could fix the computer of someone in the forest service without forestry skills. I kind of wondered if they had someone in mind they wanted to promote who had worked there, and that was their way of eliminating outsiders.

  • Focus on the Family (Score:3, Interesting)

    by BanjoBob ( 686644 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @09:54PM (#7478852) Homepage Journal
    Here in Colorado Springs, we have a very Christian organization that claims to project values and morals through their very profitable enterprise. They run ads all the time such as director of information technology ($28,000 / yr) and web designer for even less. They never get anybody to work for them and those that do just use them as a stepping stone. If FotF was really a Christian and moral company, they'd pay moral wages.

    • A lot of times, these Christian organizations are living on donations, or the coffers of a tightwad church. It's the story in many denominations, with exception of the blind-leading-blind (but pay us with $$) evangelicals.

      Most positions in Christian (or any religion, I imagine) organizations are not going to be high paying or glamorous. There are people out there that would accept the position based on the fact that they are a Christian organization alone, such is the way faith is. I'm not too sure how

  • Sometimes it's not the public postings.... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by buckeyeguy ( 525140 ) on Friday November 14, 2003 @11:30PM (#7479356) Homepage Journal
    it's the forwarded resume, that gets to a recruiter, who calls you and asks "hey, great company wants to talk to you". [In fact, this is from a conversation that happened this past week]

    Okay, what are they like?
    "Great company, very busy, lots of growth."
    Do tell. What kind of shop do they have?
    "75 to 100 servers."
    So they're not quite sure how big they are. You've been talking to a clueless manager, then.
    (Pause) "Yeah, he wants you bad."
    How bad? How many people are supporting these...
    "uh, closer to 100 servers"
    ...yeah, how many people for these 100-ish boxes?
    "3 on staff right now."
    So they either had a cost-cutting purge or the previously overworked staffers walked before they keeled over.
    "So then, do you want to talk to them?"

    So sometimes it's the postings you *don't* see that you should worry about.

  • Hey, I'm hiring a lot (Score:3, Informative)

    by EmagGeek ( 574360 ) on Saturday November 15, 2003 @12:12AM (#7479533) Journal
    I have Tons of Positions(TM) [ie-ap.org] open right now... we develop software to perform Radar Cross Section Analysis.


    Now, for those of you who clicked before reading on, the only drawback is that I have no money, so there is no pay :) It's all just for fun, but still something you can do to keep your skills up and have something to put on your resume if you're between jobs. There are about half a dozen of us right now.. it isn't such a bad gig :)

  • here it is (Score:4, Funny)

    by kuroth ( 11147 ) on Saturday November 15, 2003 @01:04AM (#7479743)
    About Us
    We're I-bought-cheesy-puffs-on-the-interweb.com, a startup Fortune 23,500,000 company with a fantastic new idea! We're going to sell home-delivered cheese puffs over the interweb!

    Project Requirements
    We'd need the sun, the moon, and the stars, as well as your first born child and a hand job. All source code must be provided, and you must assign all copyrights to us. We need this project completed within the next three hours. Contractor will be required to provide lifetime support for code base, even if we let the neighbor kid muck about in the source code (Janice says that he's a web developer, so he must be qualified. Besides, he's in the 10th grade now, we're sure he knows what he's doing).

    Contractor Requirements
    • 5-7 years of experience in developing large-scale database-driven interweb applications in whatever language we arbitrarily choose because the kid that mows the CEO's lawn says it's kewl.
    • 7-10 years of hands on experience administering FreeBSD, Linux, Solaris, and Windows systems. Developer will be required to provide support for desktop users as part of his or her job.
    • 7-10 years of hands-on experience administering relational databases.
    • PhD in Computer Science
    • MCP/MCSE/OCM/OCP/ABACAB certifications. All of them.
    • Special consideration will be given to applicants who can lend us a web server until we get started.

    Compensation
    We offer a generous compensation package that includes free soda (Wednesdays only) and all the pretzels you can eat! Yay!

    We'll also give you a title! Yes, you'll be the Supervisory Director of Internet Architectural Engineering (Junior)! That's the kind if title that you can almost pay a mortgage with! Almost.

    Unfortunately, we can't offer compensation in the form of pay or benefits right now. When the interweb cheese puffs delivery service takes off, though, we'll pay you really, really well. Promise!

  • Not bad... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by http101 ( 522275 ) on Saturday November 15, 2003 @02:18AM (#7480003) Homepage
    For $19.00 an hour on a 2-year contract? I'm there. I got shafted by HP, yes, Hewlett Packard, for $15.00 an hour and got hosed after busting my ass for 5 months. Just one day, "Oh, we love your work, you're great, you work hard, we're downsizing, goodbye." "Can I get my stuff from my desk?" "No, we're boxing it up for you as we speak." Thank you very fucking much. BTW, can we pass a couple more H1-B Visas, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ENOUGH SWAMIS IN THIS NATION YET. I LIKE GOING TO BED AT NIGHT KNOWING I CAN BE FIRED AT ANY MOMENT AND THAT MY DAUGHTER WILL PROBABLY STARVE IF I CAN'T PROVIDE FOR HER FOOD.

    IF WE DON'T UNIONIZE INFO-TECH, NONE OF US WILL BE LEFT TO SPEAK FOR.

    UNIONIZE NOW!

  • AOL skills (Score:4, Funny)

    by Adler ( 131568 ) <exsuperhero@NOsPaM.teenagewildlife.com> on Saturday November 15, 2003 @01:12PM (#7481552) Homepage Journal
    i once saw, and have a screen shot of, a job ad asking for, and im not making this up "1137 A01" skills, this was for a level 1 support specialist in san diego. i stil wonder if it was a joke or not.

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